The other day I was going to come home to surprise my husband with lunch, but when I got home we both ended up surprised. I caught him masturbating. Now, I know I shouldn’t be jealous because it was just him and himself, but I did have hurt feelings because I thought I was enough for him. Is this normal?
I think there are two things we need to talk about here.
First, masturbation is definitely normal. For both men and women. Self-love is a great way to find out what you like, and what you don’t like without the sometimes awkward,trial and error with a partner. Sex is great, don’t get me wrong. We all want to feel the love our partner is compelled to give us. Yet, while nothing can compare to the connection with two people, everyone needs a little alone time every now and then.
Most men grow up playing with themselves, so when they get a partner, they don’t think to stop. And really, why should they? It is healthy for a man to shake the hands of an old friend from time to time. Sometimes masturbating might even make a guy feel an extra boost of manliness. There is nobody to please but himself. Plus, we have all heard the statistic that men think about sex every seven seconds… that is a lot of unused sexual anguish.
Now, for the second issue to address: yes it is normal for you to have hurt feelings about him masturbating. But, and this is a hugely important but – it isn’t necessary.
Why would he need to masturbate if he has me? Am I not enough? What or who is he thinking about? I look nothing like the porn-stars, does he even find me attractive? If he is masturbating is he cheating too?
Sound familiar? These are very common and very paranoid, insecure thoughts. I don’t know why women never feel good enough about themselves. Perhaps it is society’s fault. But I think it’s time to stop pushing the blame on everyone else.
Ladies, I challenge you to feel good about yourself today. You have a good man who comes home to you and enjoys being with you because you are a good woman.
I challenge you to feel good enough about yourself to encourage your man to enjoy a little alone time with ol’ Suzy Palms. Buy him a nice little bottle of silicone lube and a magazine and don’t worry what he is thinking about. Or, if you want to really get him going, leave him some racy pictures of yourself with a little note “Hope this can hold you over until tonight…”